i found a lump on my body and its seriously scaring the shit out of me. its not that big but as soon as i start to worry less i decide to google cysts and what not and i’m currently shitting bricks. I’m too scared to go to a doctor to get it checked out because there’s a “possibility it could be cancerous” and that scares me. why am i such a worrier?
There’s a high probability that my close family friend will die tonight in the hospital. I pray for a miracle. He can’t die tonight, please dear God.
I’m over pleasing people I shouldn’t. I’m over itttt. Deleting twitter, deleting Facebook so soon. I miss London, I have seriously 0 attachment to this town, state, and country. I need to leave again. I need to start my life.
i went back down again today. i know i’d have these days once in a while and i know theyd get bad.
I didn’t hurt myself, i haven’t in years. i just took my car out and drove endlessly on the highway going no where for almost 2 hours. Crying like an idiot.
I hope it doesn’t get this way again.
Sometimes I wish you meant it when you told me I was beautiful.
Sure I felt elevated at the moment but I don’t think you meant it.I wish someone would tell me I’m beautiful not when I’m wearing my nice clothes and my hair is all done and make up on point but when like I’m a bit out of it. You…
(via mac-attackz)
I swear if my dad lays another hand on me Im going to beat him to fucking death
This is the really good kind of sad. the kind that needs to leave my system and i’ve been holding back a lot of emotions lately and i need to get rid of the toxic build up before i breakdown like i used to. So this is going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.
I’m going to cry and vent and most probably alone. But that’s okay too. I need to feel comfortable with being alone because its not a bad thing to be once in a while.
However being alone with sad thoughts, angry ones even, that gets me to the brink of the danger zone.
I’ve been medication free for a few months. I haven’t been medication free for 6 years so dealing with and healing from my depression is a tough process, especially on my own. Lost more friends than i can count in the past year especailly two really important ones.
The cutest, funniest girl i first met at uni, we became really close and really fast. Yea i miss her, can i say she misses me too? Unfortunately i can’t. And i can get mad for a little bit, but the fact is people change and if her attitude about me as her closest friend changed then i can’t really get mad at her. I can just be civil and move on no matter how disappointed i am that she didn’t help me get through this tough time i’ve been having. But if she ever needs me i will always be the friend ready to reach out to.
P, i wasn’t exactly the best friend to you, and this is my sorry you’ve heard so many times. But you aren’t innocent here either. Do i regret not dating you? No, no i don’t. But do I regret ruining our great friendship forever? Yes, Absolutely. But it’s really too late to fix anything b/w us. I also wish you were around to help me through this really difficult time i have been having trying to stabilize myself. Of all the people i have met, dated, got acquainted with, and so on, you really left a mark. We baked at like 10 am, watched movies, you taught me to never challenge you in any video game, you tried to teach me guitar, you showed me music i don’t think i’d ever stop listening to, i went to your shows as much as i could. Heck, i drove out all the way to hoboken to see you, that never happens to anyone. You introduced me to some of the coolest people i’ve ever met. We laughed and we hurt each other, we had the best days and the worst. I won’t forget a single day. And i will also be the friend you can reach out to in any situation, i’ll be there.
So i’m lonely, and MSU is really empty without some of my friends. But this is good, and i’m okay. i’m learning to love myself again because i don’t remember when i last did.
so i just realized how im doing a “make-over” almost subconsiously lol
i’m gettin a keratin treatement for my crazy middle-eastern hair
Laser hair removal for my once again crazy middle-eastern (body)hair
I’ve been working out 3 times a week and taking pilates since october
cut down on smoking since the last couple years i was going hard.
studied a lottt harder this past semester and got all A’s…
and i’ve also made over my entire room from scratch…almost.
so i guess im unintentionally making big changes, it’s a new year after all ha
is not who i thought he was. how could i be blind he’s just a personal trainer and he doesn’t do anything but work out and worry about what he eats, i doubt he truly liked me. Maybe this is good so that when i head to london this spring my expectations aren’t ridiculously high. This is not the same guy i’ve been complaining about recently. Why am i always looking for something romantic? it’s disgusting, its 2013..Romance is dead.
